Left:
Mayor Sylvester Turner flashes the Houston Cougar sign as he posed next to the NCAA National Champion trophy on display in front of the Fan Jam Truck as the 2023 NCAA Men’s Final Four Houston Local Organizing Committee (HLOC) unveiled the Fan Jam Truck—an interactive pop-up truck—as it arrives in Houston to pass the Men’s Final Four host city torch from New Orleans to Houston for the 2023 NCAA Men’s Final Four Division I basketball tournament at Discovery Green on Friday, April 15, 2022 in Houston. Right: Gov. Ned Lamont tweeted a photo of himself with Radenka Maric, the UConn president, as they sat together for two games at the men's basketball Final Four in Houston Saturday and Monday.
Houston Chronicle StaffTHUMBS DOWN: How dare Connecticut Gov. Ned Lamont call Houston’s downtown “butt ugly” and "God-forsaken" after attending the Final Four college basketball championship here? We don't care if he finally apologized Thursday to Mayor Turner. He still ought to take up Harris County Judge Lina Hidalgo’s invitation to come back for a guided tour and witness our tree-lined streets, ice houses, new parks along the bayous and historic architecture (or what's left of it). Come to our brutalist offices on Southwest Freeway, though, Governor Lamont, and we'll be honest with you. Houston is not just ugly, it’s sublimely so. From our windows you can see TxDOT’s expansion of the Loop 610, I-69 and Westpark Tollway interchange with its concrete overpasses arcing improbably higher and higher into the sky like some monument to mutually assured destruction. Stand with us here and you’ll feel the full force of the terror and raw power that’s Houston. Since the beginning, people have come here to make money; not for scenery — no matter what the Allen brothers said. Besides, we think it's more important to be useful than to be cute. Texas House Speaker Dade Phelan took to Twitter to propose the perfect use for Lamont's pint-size state: Phelan supports legislation "to purchase the state of Connecticut & turn it into a parking lot for the Houston Rodeo. You can never have too much parking." And we do have to take issue with the governor's claim that Houston is God-forsaken. Give us a break, there's a church on every corner.
THUMBS TWIDDLED: The Connecticut governor wasn’t the only one trash talking during the Final Four. Star Connecticut guard Jordan Hawkins blamed a bout of gastrointestinal issues that left him suffering for hours on his hotel bathroom floor on the calamari he ate at Tilman Fertitta-owned Mastro’s Steakhouse. Jim Gossen, president of the Gulf Seafood Foundation, defended Mastro's, telling the New York Times, “They always blame the oyster; they never blame the Crown Royal.” But was there alcohol? Mastro’s shared the receipts showing a $6,500 bill for 83 guests that included Lockheart Quail Knots, Birthday Warm Butter Cake and ginger ale, though no Crown Royal. The restaurant pointed out that plenty of other people ordered calamari that night and none of them reported sickness. None of this back and forth compared to the well-earned taunts Angel Reese made as she led LSU to victory over Caitlin Clark and Iowa in the women’s final. The Coogs didn’t make it to the dance but at least we can give a nod to our Louisiana brethren and say Geaux Tigers.
THUMBS UP: The girls all get prettier at closing time, as Mickey Gilley sang. But the possums still look like big scary rats. That didn't deter bar patron Jessica White from grabbing one wayward marsupial by the tail after it wandered into the Banita Creek Hall in Nacogdoches somewhere around last call and started causing a ruckus. "Not all heroes wear capes sometimes they're a southern belle who obviously isn't afraid of anything," the bar wrote in a Facebook post that has been viewed more than 10 million times. It features other bar patrons marveling at White, who marches self-assuredly toward the exit in her Daisy Dukes and cowboy boots, her long blond hair swishing gracefully, as if she didn't have a possum dangling from her fist. The bar promised to get the next round for the honky tonk angel who rescued the animal from danger and the bar from the expense of hiring a trapper. It was an impressive feat, epitomizing the ideal of a tough Texas lady. She'd have really exemplified a true East Texas woman if she'd skinned the possum and fried him up real quick with a side of sweet potatoes.
THUMBS TWIDDLED: Texas Comptroller Glenn Hegar’s college days are over but he should consider enrolling in a remedial math course. The state’s accountant has finally admitted that his claims that Harris County has defunded the police don’t add up. “Even though the total budget for Constable Precinct 5 decreased in FY23, it did not decrease as a percentage of the overall reduced budget,” Hegar wrote in a letter to Commissioners Court members. Hegar should’ve figured first, before threatening to derail Harris County’s budget, but maybe the comptroller doesn’t need to take a class after all. He can just ask for help. Harris County Attorney Christian Menefee said, “I hope that in the future, we can talk through these types of allegations, as the law requires, before the Comptroller makes a final decision.” Apparently that offer isn’t good enough. A bill being considered in the Legislature would give the comptroller new powers to audit Harris County and, presumably, come up with many more creative calculations to infringe on local control.
THUMBS UP: Are you one of those workers who conveniently ignores the memos about returning to the office and constantly finds reasons to join meetings remotely? Well, the best and brightest at NASA are on your team . When Joseph Acaba, the chief of the NASA astronaut office, tried to set up a meeting with the three Americans selected for the first crewed Artemis mission to orbit the moon, so he could surprise them together with the big announcement, Christina Koch wanted to video conference in from the Neutral Buoyancy Laboratory where astronauts practice space walks in a huge swimming pool. Reid Wiseman was at a doctor’s appointment that went over and had to video conference. Victor Glover was at lunch. Come on folks, if traveling through space isn’t an in-person thing, why should the rest of us show up to our cubicles?
